Why Your Feelings Might Mislead You: A New Perspective
Episode Summary:
We live in a culture that disciples us daily with the advice to "follow your heart" and "live your truth." But for a leader carrying real responsibility, this advice is dangerous. If you only did what you felt like doing, your inbox, your marriage, and your walk with God would likely be a dumpster fire.
In this episode, Jim challenges the cultural mantra of "follow your heart" and breaks down why your emotions are meant to be gauges, not guides. Jim dives into the theology of the heart, the psychology of self-sabotage, and the perfect model of emotional health Jesus displayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. If you are tired of being jerked around by your moods or feel paralyzed by anxiety and "imposter syndrome," this episode offers a way out. Learn how to validate your feelings without letting them take the steering wheel, and master the simple 3-step "Fact-Check Method" to lead from truth, not trauma.
Key Takeaways:
- Gauges vs. Guides: Think of your emotions like the dashboard of a car. The check engine light (your feelings) gives you important information about your state, but you would never let the check engine light drive the car.
- The "Dumpster Fire" Reality: When we "follow our heart," we are often following our wounds, our fears, and our exhaustion. Leading by feelings makes you volatile; leading by facts makes you unshakable.
- The Gethsemane Model: Jesus showed us perfect emotional health. He didn't deny His agony ("My soul is sorrowful"), but He didn't obey it either ("Yet not as I will"). He felt the feeling but acted on the fact.
- Name It to Tame It: You cannot change what you will not name. Bringing your fear or shame into the light breaks its power and invites God into the process.
- The Fact-Check Method: A practical tool to stop self-sabotage in its tracks: Name the Feeling, Audit the Facts (using evidence and Scripture), and Speak the Truth.
Favorite Quotes:
- "Your feelings are real, but they are not always true."
- "If you only did what you felt like doing this week... your whole life would be a dumpster fire."
- "Your feelings tell you the weather. The Word of God tells you the climate."
- "When you lead by feelings, you become volatile. When you lead by facts, you become unshakable."
- "Jesus feels the feeling, but He acts on the fact."
- "You cannot change what you will not name."
Scripture References:
- Jeremiah 17:9 (The heart is deceitful above all things... who can understand it?)
- Matthew 26:38-39 (Jesus in Gethsemane: My soul is sorrowful... yet not as I will, but as You will.)
- Proverbs 24:16 (Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.)
- Ephesians 2:10 (You are God's masterpiece, created for a purpose.)
- 1 John 1:5 (God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.)
Action Steps & Reflection Questions:
- The Fact-Check Method: Next time you feel overwhelmed, stop and follow these three steps: 1. Name the Feeling (e.g., "I feel like a failure"). 2. Audit the Facts (Look at your "Wins Log" and God's Word). 3. Speak the Truth ("I feel afraid, but the fact is I am called and obedient").
- The Dashboard Check: Ask yourself right now: What is your dashboard telling you? Are you tired, lonely, or afraid? Acknowledge the signal, but remind yourself that it is not the driver.
- The "Wins Log": If you haven't started one yet, take 5 minutes today to write down evidence of God's faithfulness from the last week to counter the lies your feelings are telling you.
Resources:
- Join the Newsletter: www.leadwithjim.com/nl
- Full Episode Show Notes & Transcript: www.leadwithjim.com/podcast
Connect with Jim
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Transcript
If you only did what you felt like doing, then your whole life would actually end up being a dumpster fire.
Speaker A:I mean, think about it.
Speaker A:Your inbox, your marriage, your health, your walk with God, your business, your relationships, it would all be falling apart.
Speaker A:And you and I secretly know it, even if we'll never say it out loud because we love the phrase follow your heart.
Speaker A:But on today's episode, I'm really going to want to dive into a little bit of this and show you why that's a dangerous piece of advice.
Speaker A:So let's dive in.
Speaker B:This is the unshakable life.
Speaker A:Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome to the unshakable life.
Speaker A:So, as I said in the intro, we're gonna dive into this really dangerous conversation that may or may not upset you a little bit, because depending on how deep you hold on to this statement will be determined how much you really get out of this.
Speaker A:And I want to free you, and I want to get you to a place where you're growing.
Speaker A:And so we've got to challenge something today, and that is follow your heart.
Speaker A:Now, this sounds great.
Speaker A:It's really a dangerous concept because if we did what we felt all the time, we'd never do what God's calling us.
Speaker A:Because quite frankly, you and I often don't feel like doing what God's called us to do.
Speaker A:We feel like doing what our flesh wants us to do.
Speaker A:Here's the thought, the main thought that you can grab hold of for today's episode.
Speaker A:Your feelings are real.
Speaker A:We want to validate your feelings, but they're not always.
Speaker A:You know.
Speaker A:The problem is not that we feel too much.
Speaker A:The problem is that somewhere along the lines, our feelings took the place, and they act like God in our lives.
Speaker A:And if you can, we can learn to honor our feelings without letting our feelings run our lives.
Speaker A:Not only will allow God back in the centrality of our life, but we're going to also become a different kind of leader, different kind of believer.
Speaker A:Because in the essence of things, if you're led by your feelings, then anything that comes against you could trigger you in a negative way and cause an emotional explosion.
Speaker A:So for today's episode, I want to dive into three thoughts.
Speaker A:The first thought is, following your heart is just terrible advice, especially as a tired leader.
Speaker A:And a lot of you guys have told me you're tired, you feel burnt out, and that you really want to do all that God's called you to, but you don't know how to find the energy.
Speaker A:Well, here's the deal.
Speaker A:Follow your heart is terrible.
Speaker A:We're going to dive into that.
Speaker A:The second one is, what does scripture actually say about your emotions?
Speaker A:And the third thing is we're going to fact check our feelings so that when they get loud, we're going to look at what they're saying and then take it to the word, take it to life, and give it a good fact check.
Speaker A:Because your feelings get loud, they get obnoxious, but they're not always right.
Speaker A:And they're going to be the biggest voice you have in your inside of you.
Speaker A:You and I live in a culture.
Speaker A:Disciples us every single day, whether we like it or not.
Speaker A:If you think about it when you're online, and especially if you're a Christian, when you're online, you hear things, live your truth, do what feels right to you.
Speaker A:And I mean, these things sound beautiful, it sounds freeing.
Speaker A:But if you're a leader who is carrying real responsibility, that advice will just wreck you.
Speaker A:Because if we're honest, your heart is not sitting on a beach somewhere sipping tea.
Speaker A:Your heart is tired.
Speaker A:Your heart is afraid.
Speaker A:Your heart has trauma and history and disappointment and unanswered prayers and frustrations, bitterness.
Speaker A:So when someone tells you to follow your heart, what they're really saying to you is, follow your wounds, follow the fears, follow your least healed self.
Speaker A:Because we all have this stuff inside of us and many of us struggle to figure out what we even want.
Speaker A:So let me be straight with you.
Speaker A:If you're only led by your feelings today, you probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed.
Speaker A:You definitely wouldn't have opened your Bible, you definitely wouldn't have gone out there.
Speaker A:And if you have a business, you wouldn't have mapped out the idea.
Speaker A:You wouldn't have any hard conversations because we don't feel like having these.
Speaker A:And when you're led by your feelings, you become volatile, explosive, overwhelming.
Speaker A:When you are led by facts, you become unshaken.
Speaker A:Now, I do want to say there is one thing that we have to balance here is facts without feelings comes across as cruelty.
Speaker A:So we have to make sure that when we're telling facts or we're living by facts, that we also have compassion.
Speaker A:That means including self compassion.
Speaker A:Because self compassion in the midst of us trying to determine what are the facts in the situation because we are wounded, we are at this place of hurt.
Speaker A:Most of us don't want to get out of bed.
Speaker A:We deal with depression, we deal with people that we're helping with their own illnesses.
Speaker A:We deal with all of these things and what we have a lot of times.
Speaker A:And you know, this, this is things that we don't often say out loud.
Speaker A:But what we have a lot of times is we feel numb, we feel anxious, we're discouraged.
Speaker A:We just want God to show up, and then we have to show up.
Speaker A:But the whole thing is, is that we often will say, I'm still going to move on what God asked me to do.
Speaker A:Like we have this place of responsibility, like we're here to do what God's called us, irregardless of how we feel that day.
Speaker A:And that's where the rubber meets the road.
Speaker A:It's those days that didn't happen because your feelings pulled you forward.
Speaker A:Those days happened because truth did.
Speaker A:So the question is, isn't how do I stop feeling this?
Speaker A:The real question then becomes, how do I feel what I feel and still follow what is true?
Speaker A:And that's where scripture gives us a completely different starting point.
Speaker A:Jeremiah 17:9 is the version where it really dives in.
Speaker A:It says, the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick.
Speaker A:Who can understand it?
Speaker A:Now, you're not going to get this verse printed on many Christian mugs.
Speaker A:You will never see a T shirt with this verse written on it.
Speaker A:But it's crucial for the conversation.
Speaker A:Now, I want you to hear me.
Speaker A:This verse is not saying that you are trash.
Speaker A:It is saying your inner world is not a natural compass.
Speaker A:Now, in the New Testament, it does say, when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, he gives us a new heart which begins to shape or shift the conversation.
Speaker A:But quite frankly, is our hearts is shaped by sin, by story, by habits, by the voice that has spoken over the years that we've been really listening to and have never turned off.
Speaker A:So let's define your emotions.
Speaker A:Are gauges not guides?
Speaker A:They're tools, not masters.
Speaker A:They report what's going on, but they're not meant to decide for you to what to do.
Speaker A:Think about it as a dashboard on a card.
Speaker A:You have a fuel gauge.
Speaker A:You have check engine lights.
Speaker A:You, you have to pay attention to those.
Speaker A:Like, if your fuel gauge says, hey, you need fuel, guess what?
Speaker A:If you don't put fuel in it, you run out of gas and you're stranded.
Speaker A:The same thing.
Speaker A:If you don't get in there and check your check engine, you're going to end up with a catastrophic failure.
Speaker A:But you do have to.
Speaker A:You don't have to hand the steering wheel to the fuel gauge.
Speaker A:You don't say, well, the check engine light is on.
Speaker A:So I guess the car gets to decide where it wants to go now or how Long it wants to go.
Speaker A:And that's not the case.
Speaker A:You know, if we say the same thing and we put this metaphor on us, your emotions will tell you your state.
Speaker A:I'm exhausted, I am lonely, I'm afraid.
Speaker A:These are important signals, guys.
Speaker A:God cares about every one of them.
Speaker A:The problem comes when the signal becomes the driver, when it becomes the master.
Speaker A:And it drives us.
Speaker A:This is where we get into hyper emotionalism.
Speaker A:This is where we get into these places where we get off the beaten path and we forget where we're going because it's all driven by emotion.
Speaker A:And this is not to say get rid of your emotions.
Speaker A:No, no, by all means.
Speaker A:We need to learn how to be the healthiest version of ourself so that we can operate within healthy emotions because it's unhealthy emotions.
Speaker A:Pain that's never been dealt with, that causes us to want to stay in bed.
Speaker A:That causes us to get into these places where, where we want to do what God wants us to do.
Speaker A:But then we're like fighting it because we don't feel like doing it.
Speaker A:And this is the place where discipline comes in.
Speaker A:Doing what you need to do, regardless of how you.
Speaker A:Let's give you a good illustration from the Bible.
Speaker A:This is the garden of Gethsemane.
Speaker A:You know Matthew 26, when Jesus says, my soul is very sorrowful, even to death.
Speaker A:I mean, can you think about the deep bone crushing agony he prays.
Speaker A:Father, if it could pass from me, let this cup just go.
Speaker A:Take it from me.
Speaker A:You know, how deep of, of a, of a, of emotional struggle do you have to be to like basically cry out to the Father and be like, whatever you can do, if this is your will, take this from me to the point where he started like sweating blood.
Speaker A:So that's how much emotional challenge he was under.
Speaker A:And you know, if we were to put it in 21st century English, Jesus would basically be saying, I do not want to walk through this.
Speaker A:I know it's coming.
Speaker A:That is a feeling.
Speaker A:But there was another statement and you're very familiar with it.
Speaker A:It's yet not as I will, but as you will.
Speaker A:Lord, your will be done, not mine.
Speaker A:Because his feeling was, hey, take this from me.
Speaker A:The truth of God was, you have to go through it.
Speaker A:And he was willing to accept the truth of God and just say, okay, I acknowledge my feelings, but my feelings are not where God's leading me.
Speaker A:Because if Jesus led by his feelings, you and I would not have salvation today.
Speaker A:There would be no cross, there would be no resurrection.
Speaker A:If Jesus walked Through his feelings, as opposed to walking in truth.
Speaker A:And this is where the picture of emotional health comes in.
Speaker A:He didn't deny his feelings.
Speaker A:He expressed them openly.
Speaker A:I'm going to tell you, open communication is pivotal to healing.
Speaker A:The more you keep it inside, the less you heal.
Speaker A:And we take this from Jesus because he spoke to God.
Speaker A:Nobody else heard that but God.
Speaker A:It was between him and God.
Speaker A:There are some things you can speak to you and God alone.
Speaker A:And then there's some things you speak to you and your inner circle.
Speaker A:And you have to know the difference.
Speaker A:He does not obey his emotions.
Speaker A:He obeys his father.
Speaker A:Because feelings come and go, guys.
Speaker A:Like, they're so traumatically chaotic.
Speaker A:You may feel happy one minute, sad the next minute.
Speaker A:Then you want to, you know, stab somebody one minute, then you want to run away the next.
Speaker A:Like, there's so many feelings that drive us.
Speaker A:But he was led by his, his father, not by his feelings, because he feels the feeling, but he acts on the fact.
Speaker A:If anyone had the right to say, my heart is always right, it would be Jesus.
Speaker A:Jesus was without sin.
Speaker A:He's the only one that could say, you know what?
Speaker A:If I was led by my heart, it would be the right thing.
Speaker A:Yet even he shows us the pattern.
Speaker A:Emotions are awkward.
Speaker A:Truth is to be obeyed.
Speaker A:And so you and me, we feel afraid.
Speaker A:We still leave, you feel tired.
Speaker A:We're still faithful to what God has called us to, whether it be the mother who takes care of their children, the father who goes to work to provide for his family, or whatever your situation is, you may feel tired, but you remain faithful.
Speaker A:You may have doubt, but you tell the truth.
Speaker A:This is where the gospel does not erase your emotion.
Speaker A:It reorders them under the authority of God.
Speaker A:Which brings us into the last thought for the day.
Speaker A:It's the fact check method, you know, because we're going to fact check these things.
Speaker A:Let's fact check ourselves, right?
Speaker A:So we have to do this practically and with compassion.
Speaker A:Please fact check yourself with compassion.
Speaker A:When the inner story is screaming, you are a failure, what do you do?
Speaker A:And we all feel this on some things.
Speaker A:Maybe you think you're not enough.
Speaker A:Maybe you think you're a failure, maybe you think you're all bad, whatever that is.
Speaker A:But if we look at the psychology of that, we know that thoughts shape feelings and feelings drive action.
Speaker A:So if you're only.
Speaker A:If you only try to fight the feeling, you're fighting the smoke instead of the fire.
Speaker A:You have to get back to the thought.
Speaker A:And I want to give you a simple process.
Speaker A:And we Already said it.
Speaker A:The fact check method.
Speaker A:You can walk through this anytime your feelings start to take the wheel.
Speaker A:We're going to do three things.
Speaker A:We're going to name the feeling, we're going to audit the facts, and we're going to speak the truth.
Speaker A:So naming the feeling is going to be where it gets tough because many of us are dealing in a place of numbness, a place of maybe disassociation.
Speaker A:But this is also a part where a lot of leaders skip.
Speaker A:We jump straight to the I shouldn't feel this way.
Speaker A:Or, you know, we live in the shame and guilt of it.
Speaker A:But you cannot change what you will not talk about.
Speaker A:It's just not going to happen.
Speaker A:If it lives in darkness, it gains power.
Speaker A:So the idea, and that's in scripture, you know, in First John, where it talks about where it says God is light and the darkness does not understand him.
Speaker A:But if we keep it on the inside, it'll grip us and take us deeper and deeper.
Speaker A:So we need to be able to communicate it.
Speaker A:So we slow down and we have to really talk about what we're actually feeling.
Speaker A:I feel like a failure when it was put in my head at age 12 so that that whole mantra of I'm a failure was looming over me most of my life.
Speaker A:And there's still some residue that I fight with the Lord with.
Speaker A:But it's, you know, there's these things where we're working through what I feel versus what is true, and they're not the same.
Speaker A:I feel like God is disappointed in me.
Speaker A:You ever say that too?
Speaker A:Or maybe you say, I feel like everyone else is passing me.
Speaker A:Like they're all ahead of you and you're just behind.
Speaker A:These might not be logical, but they're real.
Speaker A:They're real to you.
Speaker A:So this is where the compassion comes in.
Speaker A:We have to be self compassionate as we.
Speaker A:Before we audit, you can turn every one of these into a prayer and say, lord, right now I feel small, I feel scared.
Speaker A:I don't want to pretend about this with you, so help me.
Speaker A:Because you're not agreeing with the feeling.
Speaker A:You're agreeing with the truth.
Speaker A:Because here's what I know.
Speaker A:If I never name it, if I never say I feel sad or I feel rejected or I feel anger, I feel bitterness.
Speaker A:If I don't name it, how do I fight it?
Speaker A:How do I get the help I need?
Speaker A:How do I talk about it?
Speaker A:How do I even bring it to God if I don't even talk about what I feel?
Speaker A:And I think that's the travesty is where the enemy wants you to be cut off from your feelings and, and, or to make your feelings in charge.
Speaker A:We're supposed to live in tandem with our feelings, where we acknowledge them, where they're.
Speaker A:They're helpers to understand what we're going through and what we know, what we need to know.
Speaker A:And so we acknowledge that we feel these things without putting them in charge.
Speaker A:Which brings us to the audit.
Speaker A:Now turn from your emotion to the evidence.
Speaker A:I love all the CSIS and all those things because they always tell you everything.
Speaker A:Evidence convicts the villain.
Speaker A:Don't go off what you feel.
Speaker A:Go off of the evidence.
Speaker A:This is where you have a winslog.
Speaker A:If you listen to my last episode I, I talked about gratitude and I said have a gratitude journal.
Speaker A:This would be a perfect place to put that.
Speaker A:If you didn't listen to that episode, go back and listen to it.
Speaker A:The WINS log or the, or the gratitude journal is such a great thing because you can look at it and say I felt like some things, but this is how God showed up feeling.
Speaker A:These are evidence of God's faithfulness.
Speaker A:And you know, most leaders and professionals, we're forgetters like we will run, run, run, run, run.
Speaker A:We feel, we do, we overcome, we ignore, we disassociate, whatever it is.
Speaker A:But we have a failure to remember and overlook even the smallest steps of faithfulness.
Speaker A:Your WINS journal or your gratitude journal will help you remember those things.
Speaker A:So ask yourself this, what actually happened last week?
Speaker A:Your feelings say you failed.
Speaker A:But the facts might be I prayed with my kids, I sent that uncomfortable email, I stayed sober, I opened my bible twice when I wanted to scroll.
Speaker A:You know, your feelings will never volunteer that evidence.
Speaker A:You have to go find it.
Speaker A:You have to make an honest and practical look at the evidence that happened.
Speaker A:And then your gratitude journal, super important.
Speaker A:But we also have to make sure that we, we reframe a lot of stuff because here's the deal, we'll look at it from a shame point of view.
Speaker A:I didn't open my Bible five days.
Speaker A:Instead of a faithfulness point of view or steward, I was able to open my bible.
Speaker A:And regardless of how I felt twice last week, let's maybe make it three times this week.
Speaker A:You know, take it from the reframe of a healthy interaction instead of a shame based interaction because you, you know, even here's some examples, I feel alone.
Speaker A:Well, that the fact is Jesus says I will never leave nor forsake you.
Speaker A:That's never going to be a feeling.
Speaker A:It's a truth.
Speaker A:You accept the Truth, you understand?
Speaker A:I feel this way, but the facts are this or another thing.
Speaker A:Maybe you say I'm a mess.
Speaker A:Well, the fact then becomes he who began a good work in me is faithfulness to carry on.
Speaker A:Fact, truth in the word.
Speaker A:So your feelings tell the weather, but God tells the climate.
Speaker A:The weather might be stormy, but the climate is that you are loved, called and held.
Speaker A:That's the truth, my friends.
Speaker A:And this is where we got to get to, which we're bringing down into the last step.
Speaker A:And that's to speak the truth out.
Speaker A:Please speak the word of God.
Speaker A:Please, please, please, please, please.
Speaker A:This is where you take what you have named and what you have seen and what you have audit and you say it out loud.
Speaker A:And you can use the sentence, I feel put the emotion here, but the fact or the truth is say the truth and I choose to act on the truth.
Speaker A:So let me give you an example.
Speaker A:I struggle with the I feel like a failure thing.
Speaker A:That's a feel.
Speaker A:But the fact is, as I showed up and I recorded this episode, and I'm still moving forward in what God called me to my feelings because of the illnesses I deal with.
Speaker A:I want to stay in bed.
Speaker A:I want to want to lay down.
Speaker A:I want to just disappear.
Speaker A:But the truth is, is I'm called to impact people.
Speaker A:I'm called to be a communicator.
Speaker A:And I can't do what I'm called to do if I listen to my feelings.
Speaker A:So I have to keep moving forward.
Speaker A:But the fact is my obedience matters more than the outcome.
Speaker A:So when you say it out loud, you're saying, fear.
Speaker A:I hear you.
Speaker A:Shame, I notice you.
Speaker A:But you know what?
Speaker A:The final word today goes to God.
Speaker A:Because truth always wins.
Speaker A:So let me bring it all together as we close down.
Speaker A:You and I live in a culture that tells you to follow your heart.
Speaker A:Scripture tells you that your heart is deceitful, and without Jesus, it's lost.
Speaker A:Jesus shows us that we can feel deep emotions and still choose the will of God.
Speaker A:Your feelings are real, but they're not always facts.
Speaker A:So this week I want you to really dive in, you know, saying these things, walking through these things, and just, you know, to give it one more time.
Speaker A:Name the feeling.
Speaker A:Audit the fact.
Speaker A:Speak the truth.
Speaker A:Do it in your gratitude.
Speaker A:Journal, we start.
Speaker A:I asked you to start one this week.
Speaker A:If you don't have one, go ahead and listen to the episode and start one or have a wins journal do.
Speaker A:And your journal doesn't have to be written.
Speaker A:It could be voice, it could be online.
Speaker A:You can partner with AI to dictate it, whatever it looks like for you.
Speaker A:Because over time your emotions won't disappear.
Speaker A:You just get stronger and healthier.
Speaker A:They lose their power to jerk you around in life.
Speaker A:They lose.
Speaker A:You will become grounded.
Speaker A:So this is something to really look forward to because you're led by the truth, not dominated by your feelings.
Speaker A:So let me, let me just challenge you with this.
Speaker A:If this episode helps you share it with one person who you believe really needs mercy in their life, who doesn't need any more shame.
Speaker A:They need a way forward.
Speaker A:With all that being said, thanks for tuning in.
Speaker A:Keep the telling the truth, keep showing up and keep living the unshakable life.
Speaker A:And we'll see you on another episode.
Speaker A:Thank you for spending this time with me on the Unshakable Life podcast.
Speaker A:My prayer is that today's conversation helps you to build resilience, reclaim peace, and step with courage into your God given calling.
Speaker A:If this episode has encouraged you, challenged you, or impacted you in any way, could you do me a favor?
Speaker A:Share it with a friend, leave a review and and hit the follow so you don't miss what's next.
Speaker A:And if you want more tools and encouragement for your journey, head over to leadwithjim.com, you'll find resources to help you grow as a healthy, authentic Christian leader, entrepreneur and creator.
Speaker A:And until next time, remember your foundation is Christ, your calling is unshakable, and your life can make eternal impact.
Speaker B:This is the Unshakable Life Mindset Resilience Action no Strength, Drive.
Speaker B:Break free from the burnout.
Speaker B:Find your true north with your God.
Speaker B:Jim Buron Stepping forward.
Speaker B:This is the Unshakable life.
